I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
