So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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