did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
