You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
