i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
And the cops told us we were all naked.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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