I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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