You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
