I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
we're making bets on your personal life
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
