i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
