did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize