Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize