there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
