I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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