Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
