Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
