She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
