This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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