I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My dad is sitting where you rode me
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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