she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
