She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
