her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
