the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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