I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
