were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
