I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We talked him into tasing himself.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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