Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
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