how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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