Where is the hickey?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
