He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
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