So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
