Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
