I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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