I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
