also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
