Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night