so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."