Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.