Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..