True but thats because hes a fetus.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted