I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize