my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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