I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
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well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
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Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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