i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Never underestimate the power of titties
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
