That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
