Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
