I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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