toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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