how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
