I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
