Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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