I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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