I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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