I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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