So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
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His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
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I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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