If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
