You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just high enough for therapy.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
