I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
