my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
