all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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