Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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